my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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