i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
