i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
