So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
