I think I am morally bankrupt
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
