i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
