i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
