Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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