Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
