meet me or not, i'm out of control
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
