he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
