No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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