So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
