He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
