oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
