how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
