and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
