areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Two words: nipple clamps
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