i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
