hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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