i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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