So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
