Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
