I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
