Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
