Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
