I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
