You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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