I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sponge bath it is.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
