goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
