GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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