my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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