just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
