And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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