she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
