All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
