The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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