A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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