god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
