Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
