weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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