Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
