I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
