I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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