my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do vagina's smell?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
