the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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