I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
