Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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