dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
