There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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