I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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