his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
