areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
two words: eviction party
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
